As I mentioned before on my blog I am taking Connie Hozvicka's BIG course over at the Dirty Footprints Studio.  I have been planning to take the course for about three months, waiting anxiously for registration to open.  I was even one of the first four who registered when she had an early registration offer.

I just had a feeling that this course was going to change my life.  So now the course has opened and on Sunday I did my first couple of FEARLESS painting exercises and that was fine but after that I was struggling, I didn't want to watch the videos, didn't want to do the exercises.  I was still painting and drawing other things but I was fighting painting BIG.  Finally yesterday when I was really honest with myself I realized that I had set really high expectations for this course.  Maybe they were so high that even Connie couldn't get me to where I had dreamed I wanted to be not because she isn't amazing, because she is, but maybe the expectations were simply beyond reason.  How could anything live up to them.  So subconciously I think I decided that if I just didn't do the work then the course couldn't let me down, it was my choice not to do it.

Even though I had figured out this was exactly what was going on in my head actually doing something about it was very difficult, it took me until 7:30 last night to finally pull out the paint and brushes and actually do one of the assigned exercises.  I think it was the perfect exercise for where my head was at, it was flowy and soft and when I finally showed up my painting met me where I was.  So for now I think I have pushed past this hurdle, I am sure more will surface as I go through the FEARLESS painting process but for now I feel ready to tackle it head on.

Below is my FEARLESS, BIG flow painting.